Steven Seagal in: Steve Seagal's "Born to Photo-sin-thesis" Starring Steven Seagal

What are ten facts about the tree outside that I forgot to take a picture of? Well, since you asked:

1. Short, relatively speaking
2. Gnarled
3. Brown
4. Green
5. Convenient place to lean a bike
6. Leans to the side
7. Amputee (missing a branch)
8. Landing place for birds
9. Blocks the sun
10. Ridged (bark isn't smooth)
11. Tough (it can grow in this environment)
12. Tapers (gets narrower toward the top)
13. Smells like smoke, from all the cigarettes scattered around it
14. Leaves are grouped in clusters
15. Flat, pointed leaves
16. Rooted to the ground
17. Surrounded by a rusty metal grate
18. Growing (possibly dying)
19. Emitting oxygen
20. Plant

How does this relate to a potential Steven Seagal movie? Watch and be amazed.

"Steven Seagal stars in the action epic adventure of the century. Called the best buddy cop movie of all time by every critic that has never seen a buddy cop movie, 'Born to Photo-sin-thesis' pairs veteran cop Steven Seagal-- a hard-boiled detective with a heart of gold that doesn't play by the rules-- with the most unlikely of partners: a tree. Together with his stationary companion, Steven Seagal engages in all of the Steven Seagal-style chases, explosions, and kung-fu that you've come to expect, except all in one location. Because Steven Seagal never leaves a partner behind.

Your heart will leap into your mouth and knock out all of your teeth from the sheer force of Steve Seagal, then settle gently down to the pit of your bowels in sadness. In a surprise twist, the last four-eighths of the movie deals with the tree's heartbreaking story of revenge and betrayal, as it comes to terms with the loss of a limb in this coming-of-age dramatic masterpiece."